Corporate Detox – A 12 step recovery plan
An amazing thing happened when I left a corporate career after 25 years. It wasn’t the sense of freedom I was longing for, nor was it the immediate surge of creativity because I was no longer shackled by the corporate culture and structures. What was it you ask? I no longer knew who I was. If you had asked me if I defined myself by my job, I would have said absolutely not, I’m not one of those people. And I would have been lying to both of us.
Before going any further, let me clarify something. The idea of Corporate Detox is not to say that staying in a corporate career is a bad habit or an addiction. I loved my work, the people I worked with and the company. There was this voice inside me nudging me to move on, take what I had learned and do a greater level of good in the world. Once I had made the decision to listen to that voice I knew I would face major transitions and even a detoxification process in order to open myself up to a whole new world.
Through my process of detoxification I discovered I was attached to my identity as a high level, highly compensated employee and all of the luxuries those achievements afforded. The very thing that compelled me to leave, a clear vision of life after a corporate career suddenly seemed elusive, foreign and even a little silly. What was I thinking? Where would I begin? I don’t know anything about running my own business. I hate sales, I find all the “administrivia” of running a day to day business tedious and boy do I miss the security of that paycheck and somebody else managing my medical insurance and retirement. To my horror, I discovered that I felt entitled and took all of these benefits for granted. And I was one of those people who railed against employee entitlement! Who knew!
William Bridges in his books managing transition has outlined three somewhat overlapping phases. A clear ending, a new beginning and this cavernous nothing like place in between he refers to as the “neutral zone.” Well, this was a neutral zone like nothing I had ever experienced. Having reinvented myself every 2-3 years within the corporation, I was confident about reinventing myself in the world. I had taught and coached many others on strategies for managing transitions, I was confident I would sail through from the dark grieving side of the neutral zone to the creative redesign side. Yea, you guessed it; I couldn’t have been more mistaken.
What happened instead? I experienced a deeper, darker level of grief from the loss of the identity and security I had come to take for granted. At this same time, our only son had graduated from college and starting his own career. As part of our transition planning we had decided to scale back our lifestyle dramatically. We moved from a large home in the Phoenix suburbs to a small home (we affectionately referred to as our cabin) in Northern Michigan. Third I had committed myself to a coaching certification program that would provide me with necessary credentials to complement my experience and would also facilitate my transformation to the whole human being I longed to be. This was an overlay of multiple major life transitions.
I was completely unprepared to discover how large my ego was, especially now that it was starving. I had come to expect respect simply because there was power in saying where I worked and what I did. The leverage that came with position and company reputation, the arrogance I felt when people were awestruck by my good fortune & beautiful home, the naiveté of believing all this would simply carry over or that it didn’t matter. Needless to say, I’ve hit a lot of walls and come face to face with some unpleasant and unexpected reflections of myself.
But wait! It turns out the result of facing and embracing all of these new discoveries is the beginning of true reinvention. Not just a job change, but a life change on a huge scale. As a result of all of the decisions and actions I’m beginning to get a glimpse of the whole person that is becoming available to do great work in the world. All of the questioning, the resisting, the fear and doubt are actually serving a pointed purpose. Being a stubborn, proud and somewhat persistent character, I am pushing back and discovering I do have what it takes to start and run my own business, that all of those wonderful skills I learned in the seemingly oppressive corporation are all directly transferrable. Things like setting a vision, strategy and plan, managing a budget, writing reports, developing presentations, selling ideas and problem solving. It’s all the same stuff. There is only one difference. No one is going to hold me accountable but me . . . it is a level of responsibility several notches up. And isn’t that the whole point to moving out into the world? There is only one thing in my way. . . I have met the enemy and it is me!
It may be that I was resisting that level of responsibility or maybe I just didn’t recognize it for what it was. If I believe the coaching training, it was just what it was supposed to be in order to get to this very place. None of that matters. What matters is uncovering and acknowledging I have everything I need to be just as successful on the outside as I did on the inside. And so do you. In the spirit of detox and rehabilitation, here are twelve steps for you to consider:
1. I had to admit that I was powerless over my attachment to power and security. Those two things kept me stuck.
Action: List all of the things you no longer have or have access to. Identify whether it was the title, the perks, the compensation or just the fact that you didn’t have to care at the end of every day because it wasn’t your responsibility. Little things like the company web site, to big things like insurance coverage. Make a plan to acquire the most important and by when.
2. Allow yourself to see yourself as something much greater. I decided to move on for a reason. I believed I could create something and had something greater to offer the world. I make that believe, my vision my anchor when the seas of change get a little rough.
Action: Write down your vision and all the reasons you believed it was possible while you were still “inside.” Look at it every morning when you get up and every night before you go to bed. Post it on your mirror. Practice describing your vision to others.
3. Learn to shift from judgment of what is to openness for what is possible. I discovered one of the skills I overdeveloped while inside was “looking for what was wrong” it was all about solving problems but you had to find them before you could solve them. So like a bloodhound on the trail of the rabbit, I was the best at sniffing out what was wrong or broken. Unfortunately that carried over to assessing every move I or others made, every word said, every thought I had. I lost sight of the realm of possibility and stopped taking risks.
Action: You have to identify problems, but balance it with a perspective of what is also right. Now Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham is a great book for shifting this perspective. Take the free on-line test that is available to sift out your strengths. Asking yourself “Am I looking for what’s right or am I looking for what’s wrong” from The Right Questions by Debbie Ford.
4. See yourself through unfiltered lenses. Personally, after 25 years, I had learned to do the dance for approval very well. I knew the right things to say at the right time, I could wax political with any level employee from first line to front office. There were many times, however, I just felt out of sync after some of those interactions. Like I had just sold another part of my soul.
Action: Begin to practice being brutally honest with yourself. Listen to that internal voice that says “hmm, that didn’t feel quite right.” Back to step three, don’t judge it. Rather, observe it, write it down, be with it, and then let it be or let it go. Just move on from it. The behavior is no longer necessary and doesn’t serve you.
5. Become responsible. This one sounds like a no brainer, but what it really means is stop blaming and making excuses. More energy is wasted in the quest to avoid taking responsibility. Energy that could be better used in any number of other ways. Catch yourself blaming and making excuses and stop it. I realized I landed myself where I am as a result of a series of choices, not a series of random events created by others. Excuses served only to keep me right where I was, stuck, disempowered and not getting what I said I wanted.
Action: Start by catching yourself every time you say, “it wasn’t my fault” or whatever your habitual blame phrase is. When something happens and you can’t wait to get on that cell phone to defend yourself with someone so you can publicly affix blame as if to absolve yourself. Stop and ask yourself, “what part of what happened did I create and what action can I take to own it, change, apologize, acknowledge, forgive?” do it and then move on.
6. Face your fears and secrets, put down your defenses. I have discovered my defensive behavior shows up when I have been lying to myself or someone else and I fear getting busted. It is really that simple.
Action: Become aware of your defensive behavior, bust yourself and ask “where am I not being completely honest with myself? What am I hiding from and why?”
7. It’s all about making conscious choices. As I began to listen to that inner voice I became aware of either a sense of peace or conflict. The conflict showed up when I said I wanted one thing and then did the opposite! You commit to work out at 7:00 a.m. but you find you are still reading the paper with coffee at 8:00. It’s the little inconsistencies that accumulate and have us feeling out of sorts, frustrated and angry. It’s not the driver who cut you off that you are angry about, you are angry with yourself for not keeping that commitment you made.
Action: Here is a prayer or mantra I use at least once a day: “Help me to make choices that are consistent with whom I say I want to be.” Re-read your vision statement and re-commit to whatever actions keep you moving forward to that vision.
8. Forgive and put the club down! Stop beating yourself up. I was appalled to learn how mean I was to myself in my head. Saying things like, “What were you thinking? How stupid can you be? You are such a loser!” Ok, bad things happen to good people, for sure. More often, bad choices are made by good people. We have a finite amount of energy. We have a choice to use it in blaming, dramatizing, and victimizing ourselves. Or we can face it, deal with it and move on to the work of creating the life we say we want.
Action: Truth and forgiveness will set you free. I’m not kidding. Truth weaves through most of these 12 steps. Genuine forgiveness is a liberating experience. However it is not always simple. You can take it in stages. Start by writing a letter to the person who you believe has hurt you. Don’t mail it, set it aside. When you feel ready for the next step, make a list of the ways you are making the person wrong AND a list of the ways you are making yourself wrong. Dig deep for this insight. Write a second letter forgiving both the person and yourself for where you were making both wrong. Set it aside and see if you are ready to move on. This process can take days, or months, it’s really up to you and your willingness to let it be then let it go.
9. Completion. When you are disappointed, hurt, angry or confused about something another person has done, or there is something you haven’t finished, you are left feeling incomplete. Incompletions impede progress.
Action: Get complete. Prioritize the tasks or projects you haven’t finished and do it. Clean your closets, finish redecorating the bathroom, get your marketing plan done, and just take the steps to get it done. Complete an unclosed conversation; make a commitment to make contact to reconnect with someone important to you.
10. Vigilant awareness and redirection. Pay attention to what you are thinking, feeling and being all the time. It’s amazing what happens when you consciously go through life. In Joyce Meyers’ latest book I Dare You she is challenging each of us to live the life we were put here to live “purposefully and passionately.” Take a step forward, ANY STEP, make some mistakes, laugh at yourself, learn something and take another step. I have found my biggest breakthroughs and aha moments have come shortly after things didn’t go the way I had planned!
Action: At the end of every day write down 5 things you are grateful for and 5 things you learned that day. In the morning, list the 5 things you will do to move in the direction of your vision. Each day assess your progress, don’t make yourself wrong for not doing it all or not doing enough, decide what you will do for that day and continue this cycle every day!
11. Develop a relationship with the universe, your inner guide, intuition, God or whatever you call that higher power. I believe as many of the spiritual masters teach that we already have everything we need to express our highest selves and have an incredible life. Of all the steps I have taken on my detoxification journey, this one has provided me with the most powerful guidance, strength and energy for moving forward.
Action: The trick here is to get quiet in order to hear that inner guide. Start by taking just 20 minutes twice a day to be with you. Meditate, pray, or just sit quietly with your eyes closed and move your focus from your busy mind to your open heart. I promise, after a few days of practice you will begin to “hear” an internal voice.
12. Give it away. With a new confidence, awareness and inner guided approach you are now in a position to pay it forward.
Action: Be of service to others who are where you have been. Through your work, your community, your church whatever and where ever you are, offer that hand to help another. Then start the steps over again!
This is a lifelong process where it gets better each day, except when it doesn’t! When it doesn’t, think of this line from Rascal Flats’ song Stand “Every time you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.”
Nancy Ballinger is a leadership coach and consultant. She is using her 25 years of lessons from her corporate experience to guide individuals, teams and groups to the leader buried inside. “We all have a leader in us screaming to get out and do amazing things in the world!” Nancy can be reached at nncyballinger@yahoo.com.
